I debated about writing this because it doesn't actually apply to anyone in blogland but I suppose since I am sharing my life story why not.
A few weeks ago, I had an encounter with a mom at a playground that left me speechless. While I was there playing with the boys she was there with her 3 kids (2 boys and a girl). So right away we connected. As we started talking she told me that she was actually in the process of adopting her 3 kids, they were currently just foster kids. Music to my ears, I actually started really liking her because I thought, how brave of her for adopting 3 kids all at once.
She then asked me if I was having a girl and I told her no I am having another boy. The next thing that happened blew my mind. She went on to say that she was so sorry for me, she knows I must be dissapointed because she surely wouldn't want to have 3 boys. That's the reason she chose to adopt over carrying her own kids, she wanted to make sure that she had one of each sex and was not willing to take the gamble. She really only wanted 2 kids but the ones that she got were a package deal because they were siblings so they ended up with an extra boy.
I was floored, my jaw dropped to the floor. WOW, just WOW. You just met me lady, how would you know how I feel. I tried to end the conversation and walk away but before I could, she continued with I couldn't possibly not be a parent to a girl. Looks at me dead in my eyes and says, you couldn't understand, the relationship between a mom and a daughter is just so special. You guys, I grabbed my kids and ran out of there before I uttered any words and became super rude to her.
I completely understand everyone's fascination with having that perfect American family with mom, dad, one boy, one girl, and a dog. Heck, I have had that dream except with 2 boys, 2 girls, and no dog :). But the minute we found out baby#3 was a boy, I let go of that dream and embraced this new dream of having a house full of boys. I would love to have a girl one day in life but if I never did I would still be the happiest boy-mom on the block.
A few weeks ago, I had an encounter with a mom at a playground that left me speechless. While I was there playing with the boys she was there with her 3 kids (2 boys and a girl). So right away we connected. As we started talking she told me that she was actually in the process of adopting her 3 kids, they were currently just foster kids. Music to my ears, I actually started really liking her because I thought, how brave of her for adopting 3 kids all at once.
She then asked me if I was having a girl and I told her no I am having another boy. The next thing that happened blew my mind. She went on to say that she was so sorry for me, she knows I must be dissapointed because she surely wouldn't want to have 3 boys. That's the reason she chose to adopt over carrying her own kids, she wanted to make sure that she had one of each sex and was not willing to take the gamble. She really only wanted 2 kids but the ones that she got were a package deal because they were siblings so they ended up with an extra boy.
I was floored, my jaw dropped to the floor. WOW, just WOW. You just met me lady, how would you know how I feel. I tried to end the conversation and walk away but before I could, she continued with I couldn't possibly not be a parent to a girl. Looks at me dead in my eyes and says, you couldn't understand, the relationship between a mom and a daughter is just so special. You guys, I grabbed my kids and ran out of there before I uttered any words and became super rude to her.
I completely understand everyone's fascination with having that perfect American family with mom, dad, one boy, one girl, and a dog. Heck, I have had that dream except with 2 boys, 2 girls, and no dog :). But the minute we found out baby#3 was a boy, I let go of that dream and embraced this new dream of having a house full of boys. I would love to have a girl one day in life but if I never did I would still be the happiest boy-mom on the block.
What I don't get is the reaction of "your family is not perfect because it's filled with boys" particularly from perfect stranger who don't even know me or my family. The amount of people
that have told us that they were sorry for us because we are having a 3rd
boy, I cannot even tell you (it wasn't the I know your pain because I
have 3 crazy kids running around either).
"Sorry
for us" for real. There
are so many families out there that wish they could have one, two or three
children regardless of their gender. There are so many families that
wished they could have healthy babies regardless of their gender. The
gender of the baby is not everything. We've been blessed beyond our wildest dream and are thankful to God for his grace everyday.
So to all the people that don't appreciate having 3 of a same gender, to you I say don't be sorry for us.
- Rejoice in this new boy that is joining our family.
- Rejoice with us because he is growing strong and healthy.
- Rejoice with us because regardless of the gender, a baby is a blessing, our 3rd boy is a blessing.
- Rejoice with us because our family is perfect and happy, 3 boys and all.
- Rejoice with us because the Lord gave us exactly what he knows our family needs.
Baby boy #3, you are
loved, desired, and such a perfect addition to our family. Though we
haven't met you yet, we already can't imagine our family without you. Continue
to grow strong and healthy, we can't wait to hold you and love on you as much as we do your brothers.23 weeks with baby #3
"Happiness is not getting all you want, but wanting and loving all you have" - Unknown
I have no words. I can't believe her audacity.
ReplyDeleteThank God you have the spirit that you have. You're beautiful inside and out.
Thanks Faith, I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. If you feel that way good for you, why are you sharing that with me. People I tell you
DeletePeople say this to me.. They ask if I was disappointed that our surrogate didn't end up having twins OR if I was sad when we found out we were having a boy since I had two older boys.. NOPE I LOVE being a boy Mom!! You are a better person than me.. I would have cussed her out DIRECTLY! You are absolutely glowing by the way, LOVE LOVE LOVE!!
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks lady. I feel awesome these days. Thank goodness for that.
DeleteI read your story and what you had to go through and I can't believe people still asked you about gender and stuff. That's crazy.
Oh my word, she needs to know that children are not accessories. That's just sad! And look at you! You look stunning!
ReplyDeleteI concur! The glow is REAL, and it's bouncing all up and through my monitor. I love it!
DeleteYES! SHE LOOKS INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteAwww, thanks you guys, I feel pretty good too and that's awesome for sure :)
DeleteLove this post. You are so right. A happy healthy baby is what counts! Not the gender! I always told John if we had all girls, I would be just as happy. I am fine with that.
ReplyDeleteI honestly can't believe that lady thought it let alone said it out loud! That's horrible!
J - I was shocked, you can think it all you want but utter those words. Shaking my head. Luckily I don't give a crap what stranger think of me or my family but it was just baffling girl.
DeleteWow.. of wow. I don't even know what to say because this just floors me. Especially now with our gender revealed...
ReplyDeleteBut seriously. You hit on the nose. What matters is a healthy child. And in the end they are the blessing...gift really...that God gave us to take care of. If that means a house full or boys or a house full of girls...it shouldn't matter. Glad you removed yourself from the situation and didn't put in your two cents...like I would have done regretfully. lol
Kathy - that's why I didn't open my mouth and just ran, the words were ready to come out and it was not going to be pretty, I was going to be a real African woman in a minute. I had to get out of that situation before keeping it real went wrong :)
DeleteNo one knows why God is giving you 3 boys but more importantly a Healthy Baby is what really counts not the gender. I commend you for your reaction. Some people are just bitter and sad, don't let her get you down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog.
DeleteI totally agree, a healthy child is what a wish for every day, I am not even affected by the gender at all.
Ooh, chile! I would have thrown the worst shade at her. When she said how you couldn't possibly know the specialness of having a mother-daughter bond, I would have responded with, "You're right. But then again, you couldn't know the specialness of carrying your OWN child, with you and your husband's DNA, in your womb for 9 months, nourishing that child from the very beginning, and loving that child because he or she reflects the love you have for your spouse." She would have called me all kinds of B!@#$%s while I walked away with my children.
ReplyDeleteThat, by the way, is not meant to be mean to any adoptive mothers because, in general, adoptive mothers ROCK! But I would have had to cut her down to size.
Girl, the words that were about to leave my mouth were so similar to that first paragraph and because I know it's not easy to go through adoption, I just ran. I didn't even want to entertain her nonsense.
DeleteI am happy, my kids are healthy, my family is happy, why should I care what some random stranger thinks. I am happy for her for getting her choice and I even happier for us for getting God's choice. BEST EVER
What? That women is probably missing a screw. She couldn't take the chance of having too many of one sex so she adopted? I have a co worker who is on her 5th (i think) girl. It happens. It's not a big deal. Children or children and while I think it's okay to have preferences I think it's just odd to say how sad if you don't get the "right" numbers.
ReplyDeleteRight Cece, I swear my jaw dropped to the floor. I completely understand having a preference but man, that woman was nuts. Plus how does she know that I didn't want to have a house full of boys.
DeleteShe is thinking her view of a perfect family is everyone's view you know.
I am shocked. The audacity of people to say ludicrous things to complete strangers is beyond me. I love your heartfelt answer. It is 100% true. Being in the medical field I see very very sick children every day and have a constant reminder that not every child is healthy. It gives me a sobering outlook on how blessed I am to have a healthy child. Having a special interest in obstetric anesthesia makes things even more crazy because I see women with unfortunate obstetric tragedies all the time and I realize that having a happy healthy pregnancy that produces a healthy baby is really what we should all desire. So to Baby Boy #3 the Mauritz's are excited about your impending arrival!! It means more handsome boys for Abby to choose from!!!
ReplyDeleteAmy - ludicrous is the right word. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to do with that information. It is so nice to hear from someone in the medical field because when you hear stories out there you just count your blessings.
DeleteYAY for more handsome boys for Abby, I am down with that :)
The woman is clearly negative, bitter and very unhappy with her life. She said all of that to you in order to justify her decision not to carry her children to herself. I would bet serious money that she regrets her choice and wishes she carried at least one of her children. A logical, sane person would not have spewed the nonsense she did!
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude! Healthy children are a blessing, no matter the gender!! I pray I God blesses me with children one day! You are blessed and highly favored! God will continue to reward your faithfulness. God bless you & your family!
Thank you so much Glamour, we feel blessed everyday and lucky to be able to have healthy babies. I dont' know what her problem was but it was crazy to me.
DeleteI did think maybe she didn't carry a child so she might not know that love you feel for a little bean that you don't even know. Either way, I am glad I didnt' say anything, I am happy for her for getting her happy ending but I am happier for us for getting our happy ending :)
I think it's awesome that you are having another boy. I think boys are awesome, especially with their mommies. When I was younger I wanted only boys but now that I'm older I've realized that what makes me happy is a happy healthy family.
ReplyDeleteMrs. K, that's exactly how I feel. No matter what dreams I had, I am loving the life and path God has created for me and my family today and I am forever grateful. My boys are so amazing, ok every mom says that, but really :)
DeleteThat conversation is so sad for so many reasons. It sounds like that lady has some serious issues she needs to work out. I feel bad for her foster kids, I hope her weird hang-ups don't affect them. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said many people would give anything to have just one healthy baby regardless of sex. man, that woman... seriously!
ReplyDeleteyour family clearly has lots of love in their hearts and would welcome a baby of any gender. your boys will light up your life and and i'm sure down the road if you guys have more children they will make you smile too - regardless of gender!!
what a rude woman. gah!
Putting aside the almost obvious and apparent mental health struggles this lady is dealing with... I am totally rejoicing with you. What's up with people thinking they know what works for you? Why would she assume that you feel incomplete without a girl?! this is nuts.
ReplyDeleteEither way, I'm rejoicing with you and I am so happy about your new addition! Your family seems extremely happy and well connected and thats what matters.
BTW, you are rocking this pregnancy. You are literally GLOWING, and your hair looks amazing!